Parent-Child Conflict - as told by Alissa Wahid

source: google.com

Recently, I have collecting messages from a twitter account belongs to Alissa Wahid, an Indonesian family psychologist. There, at her tweets, she shares some practical tips and important things in managing parent-child conflict.
Well, with learning and sharing spirits, I try to compile it here, even though I’m aware that me myself is the person most in need of this.
May this shares be useful.

For tonight, how about we discuss about using conflicts with our child as part of their process of development?

Conflict with child ia something inevitable. To certain level, it’s even become a marker a healthy relationship within a family.

When parents never have any conflict with their child, I almost believe this as an alarm. Because, it could be a sign that those poor children are stressed by the dominance of their parents.

How parents response to a conflict with their child will be a main source of learning for the child, and establish their character in their future, mature time.

You  need a sample about parent-child conflict? Well, there a lots of them. Especially when children entering their pre-teen period. For example, Facebook time can trigger a tantrum.

In parent-child conflict, mom or dad need to calm down and show unemotional response. This will able the child to show the same positive attitude.

Parents who keep a conflict unresolved in front of others, will only make their children feel humiliated.

In a conflict, parents who focus on solutions, not merely on wrong-right matters, will be able to help their children to avoid self-justification.

Parents effort to focus on solutions will also help their children to think about next-step and will easily move-on.

In this kind of conflict, parents who always try to understand the problem from the first place will help their children to learn how see others problems from another perspective.

And at the same time, in such a conflict, an opportunity children have to address the problem and heard by their parent will become a good way to develop their self-esteem.

Parents who are able deliver a better way to shows objections to their child's behavior, will become a good example for those young men to speak out their voices.

In other side, parents who always compare his childhood with their child’s will only make their child feel unworthy.

Parents that do not afraid to admit their guilt, conversely, will train their children to avoid defensive attitude when they knew they were wrong.

In the same case, parents that are keen and not reluctant to apologize within a conflict, will be able to teach their children how to feel comfortable when apologizing.

An apology is not always a matter of wrong  or right. ‘Sorry’ can be a good message of regret: "I’m sorry to make you sad."

And the most important thing, every conflicts have to be end with closure so there is no unfinished business left. It is parent task to make a conclusion.

So, the process of managing a parent-children conflict can be drawn as follow: state the problem—clarify the situation—apology—state solution or expectation—closure.

When entering a closure phase, parent need to insert values of life—especially religion values. This will become memorable for children.

Try your best to avoid this step at the beginning of conflict, since this will only make your children build an immune system. So, the best time for this step is at closure.

Finally, always make a time to embrace your child warmly, especially at the end of conflict. Although it’s initially feel awkward, this will be a powerful closure.

A warm hug at the end of conflict will tell your children that, "how bad the situation is, I always love you."

source: google.com